


don't wanna cry

by affecctaed



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Crying, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Torture, M/M, Mentions of Cancer, mentions of bullying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-03
Updated: 2020-07-03
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:55:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25048759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/affecctaed/pseuds/affecctaed
Summary: Phil Coulson does not cry.Phil Coulson hasn't cried since he got punched in the face in 7th grade defending Troy from the dickweed Chase Yance on the swings.Phil Couson doesn’t cry.
Relationships: Clint Barton/Phil Coulson
Kudos: 46





	don't wanna cry

**Author's Note:**

> Mentions of bullying, implied/referenced torture, and cancer.

Phil Coulson does not cry. 

Phil Coulson hasn't cried since he got punched in the face in 7th grade defending Troy from the dickweed Chase Yance on the swings. 

Phil Couson doesn’t cry. 

Phil Coulson didn’t cry when his father died in a brutal car accident when he was 9, didn’t cry when his mother died of breast cancer when he was 21. 

Phil Coulson didn't cry when joining the Army, didn’t cry when he got captured and cave and tortured for three months. He didn’t cry when joining S.H.I.E.L.D, when watching his agents die in front of him, when getting shot too many times covering agents, when getting waterboarded in Macau, burned in Moscow, and so on. 

Phil Coulson didn’t cry when he watched Hawkeye writhe on the ground after being electrocuted so many times he couldn’t spell his own name, or when he watched as someone cut into the Black Widow, so deep that it took seven months to fully heal. 

He didn’t cry when he watched as Clint got possessed by Loki. 

He didn’t cry as he slowly bled out on the floor, Nick Fury’s face swimming in and out of his consciousness. 

He didn’t cry when he woke up in a hospital bed, hooked up to so many wires, didn’t cry when he found Clint sitting at his bedside, gripping the rail so tightly his knuckles were white. 

Phil Coulson, agent of S.H.I.E.L.D, doesn’t cry. 

And when he stands in his (and Clint’s) apartment, after being told he was going to be officially suspended for a week while his op goes under official review, he ignores the prickling in his eyes, the burning of his throat. 

He forces himself to ignore the increasing worried texts from Clint popping up on his phone screen, or the buzzing of his phone as he ignores his calls. He pointedly turns his phone on mute, and pulls all of his clothes from the closet, and piles them on the floor for folding. His closet needed reorganizing, anyways. 

And that’s where Clint finds him when he finally arrives back at the apartment, Phil surrounded by t-shirts and sweaters, face  surreptitiously blank, folding his S.H.I.E.L.D Academy sweatshirt. 

Clint walks over, drops his duffel bag, sets down his bow case with a lot more care, and brushes aside a pair of shorts, and sits down with a thud, hugging his knees to his chest. 

Phil doesn’t look at him, or say anything, too afraid saying anything would make his carefully constructed mask fall away and the tears take its place. 

Clint frowns, his mouth turning into a downward triangle it does when he’s upset. “Hey,” he says, scooting a little closer, but not quite touching. 

Phil stiffens his shoulders and deliberately folds another t-shirt, one with cartoon pineapples and the sun wearing sunglasses. He places the shirt on a towering stack and pauses, hunching his shoulders. 

Clint scoots even closer, their knees bumping, and places one gentle, calloused hand on his knee, and Phil feels his Agent Coulson face crack, just a bit. He takes a deep breath, faces Clint, while poking at a stray pair of jeans that didn’t make it into the right drawer. “Hey,” he replies, quietly. He feels his hands ball up into fists, and forces them flat, smoothing out the bunched up fabric of his suit trousers. 

He feels Clint pause, as if searching for the right words, and even that, sends another spiderweb of fractures through his mask. “What’s up?” he asks, normally fun words, out of place on his concerned features. 

Phil shrugs, looking around at the small piles of clothing that surrounded him. “The. The clothes needed sorting,” he finishes lamely. Clint’s mouth twitches minutely, as if he wants to laugh, but the expression is quickly gone, replaced by one more serious. 

“Shit,” Clint mutters, under his breath, and places his hand onto Phil’s shoulder. “C’mere,” he says, drawing Phil into an awkward hug, and - surrounded by tshirts, sweaters, and that  _ fucking stray pair of jeans _ , everything cracks. 

His facade snaps into pieces, and his throat burns, and his eyes spill over, his fists bunching up the fabric of Clint’s long sleeved tee. There is no sobbing, no anguished cries, just quiet tears and heaving breaths, bottled up from the past 20-something years. Everything just  _ spills _ , tipping over the side, and through the dimly, hazy wave of tears, he feels Clint rubbing his back, tapping his other hand against his side in a soothing rhythm. 

When his knees start hurting and his crying peters off into embarrassing hiccups, and he’s aware of the large damp spot on Clint’s tee and the stinging of his eyes, Clint sort of heaves him up and they stumble over to the couch, Phil too exhausted to care where they’re going. 

His head somehow ends up in Clint’s lap, and Clint stroking his hair sends another fresh wave of tears, and with his face pressed into Clint’s stomach, he drifts off, exhausted. 

\---

When he wakes up the next morning covered with a purple blanket and pillow under his head and Clint sprawled on the floor next to the couch, he knows everything’ll be alright. 

After all, Phil Coulson has Clint Barton. 

**Author's Note:**

> Title from "Don't Wanna Cry" by SEVENTEEN  
>   
> second C/C fic! wrote this in a rush and mostly for stress relief because its finals season :( not really much of an ending and may edit this later but thats it! 
> 
> (if you liked this one perhaps check out my other C/C fic[ here! ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23964886))
> 
> kudos and comments (especially) are very much appreciated! thanks for reading!


End file.
